I’m not really sure how to write this post. I only know that I want to write it. It’s also a little scary, cause I’m about to let you into my secret world of crazy ;). Over the last year and a half I have been suffering from acute anxiety and isolating depression. If you’ve been lucky enough to never experience either of these, I can tell you that for me it came on very quickly and out of nowhere. All of a sudden small things, like brushing my teeth in the morning, seemed like such an enormous task that I could barely manage it. I couldn’t function. I couldn’t think straight or make decisions, because it felt like my brain was in a fog. I didn’t want to hang out with other people or do anything fun at all. I just wanted to stay in bed all day and cry. It was like I had a constant feeling of impending doom. If any of you know me personally, you know that is not my personality at all. I’m very outgoing, active, loud, love to have fun and laugh; I had lost my spark. But I think the worst part was that somewhere in my subconscious I knew how I was acting and knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t change it, or didn’t want to. I had known people who had been depressed before and my thoughts were, why don’t they just get over it. I realized people don’t understand mental disorders, unless they’ve had one. My husband was so patient and understanding. He wanted so badly to fix it, or help me fix it, but it wasn’t up to him. The only person who was going to pull me out of whatever it was that I had sunk into, was me. During this time I had family come to visit and learned that my family has a history of depression. My mom urged me to go see a doctor and get on some medication, but I was strongly opposed to taking meds. I didn’t want to have to depend on a medication to make me feel good. This wasn’t me!! I wasn’t like this!! But apparently, I was. After talking to a handful of family and friends that had dealt with similar issues, and realizing that my husband was about to leave to go out of the country again and I needed to start being able to function, I decided to go see a doctor. I did end up going on medication, but also started visiting my brother-in-law who is an Applied Kinesiologist and Chiropractor. Along with his magic voodoo ;), he put me on some supplements, encouraged me to be aware of my diet (meaning to stop eating so many starburst jelly beans), and also to start doing less stressful exercise, things like yoga or walking. Apparently CrossFit is not good for people with an overtaxed nervous system (kind of like giving a person who has had too much coffee, a Red Bull). The hard thing is that when you’re depressed, or when I was, I didn’t want to eat and I didn’t want to workout. It took way too much effort to make myself something to eat, when I already had to do it for my 2 kids. I did try to get on my mat, even if only for 10 minutes, every day. Those were the times when I felt the best, thus leading to my interest in becoming a teacher. Eventually, I did start to feel better. I don’t think I’d say I’m 100% back to where I was, but definitely doing a lot better. I have good days and not so good days, but so does everyone else. With the help of an awesome and hilarious therapist, I’ve come to realize that I’m a fighter. Depression and anxiety will not define me. They may have their way with me from time to time, but I will come back stronger, having learned more to help me through the next time. Which is why I decided to write this post. Sure I could have kept a private journal, but I don’t want to hide it anymore. It’s exhausting acting like everything is super awesome all the time. It’s also very lonely, because instead of having to pretend, you start pushing people farther and farther away so they don’t find out the truth. If you are struggling with depression, don’t be afraid to get help. You’re not alone. And if you can only do 3 things every day, do these: eat healthy (lean meats, fruits, veggies, good grains, and healthy fats…sounds so simple right?), do some kind of exercise if only for 20 minutes (you get a bonus if it’s outside), and read something uplifting (advice given to me from my bro-in-law). I would also say get lots of sleep, but that wasn’t a problem for me. I slept all the time. Surround yourself with family and friends that love you no matter what and will be there to help. There are a lot of people that have helped and continue to help me everyday, including these three yahoo’s/loves of my life. The good news is, it won’t always be like this. You will feel better. “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” ” And doggone it, people like you.”
So I’m playing with a couple ideas… #1 getting my yoga teaching certification and #2 possibly my CrossFit Level 1 certification. I was thinking the other day while I was doing a workout in my garage about how far I’ve come in the past 5 years. Going from workouts that were just walking on a treadmill, to workout videos (I used to love Debbie Siebers Slim in 6), to being introduced to CrossFit in Park City (by who is now one of the most well known CrossFit athletes in the US), to some P90X, to workouts with my trainer David, to running, to spin, to hot yoga, to crazy Army workouts, to P90X2, etc, etc. The reason I started thinking about it was because I’m headed to Utah next week for spring break and would love to workout at the CrossFit gym there. The last time I was there, I couldn’t do a box jump (barely could on the small box), I couldn’t do a pull-up (without a LOT of assistance), and I couldn’t lift what I can now. However, IT DIDN’T MATTER, because I still loved it! Don’t get me wrong though cause I’m totally happy that I can now do box jumps on a 24″ box! But it was just cool to think about the difference I’ve made in my health and fitness. I don’t feel like I’m a total workout or dieting freak though. I don’t hang out at the gym for fun. If I don’t feel like working out I don’t, I always listen to my body. If I want to eat an entire bag of starburst jelly beans in one day, I do (1000 calories…true story, it happened)! I finally feel comfortable in my own skin and just relaxed about my eating and my workouts like I never used to be.
I thought it would be fun to blog my workouts and give possibilities for scaling it down (it will also be nice to have them all in one spot). However, I am not a trainer and some of these moves require knowledge of how to do them so you don’t hurt yourself. You can google the moves and watch videos on how to do them, but please don’t attempt something you have no idea how to do.
The thing I like about the Cedar Park CrossFit gym is that they have a warm-up all set out and a strength move (which allows you to work on form and build weight) and then a Workout of the Day (WOD).
6 each- walking lunges, leg cradles, hand walks, pvc pipe arm circles (could use a broom or just do arm circles), press ups
10 each- burpees, jumping jacks, high knees, butt kicks, bottom squat hold (1min first round, :30 second), squats, push-ups
Strength- Push jerks (basically a press up of weight while standing up from your shoulders to overhead) 3-3-3-3 (4 sets of 3 reps) my weight (mw) was 65, 65, 75, 75, then one set of reverse shoulder to overhead so starting at the top and coming down slowly on a 4-count 8-12 reps mw 65.
*You can modify with weight and by just using dumbbells instead of a bar.
WOD- 15 clean and jerks then 3 rounds of 12 burpee box jumps (do a burpee on one side of the box then jump up on it and down the other side burpee on that side jump up on box, etc), 14 kettle bell swings, 16 sit-ups
*Modify burpee box jumps by doing modified burpees and stepping up on the box, modify kettle bell swings by using a dumbbell.
Here are some pics from a local competition I did with my friend Danielle. The workout was 1 min sled push (with 45lb weight), 1 min clean (65lb), 1 min box jumps, 1 min squat thrusters (55lb), 1 min rest for 20 min. It kicked my trash.
STEAK RUB RECIPE
I love to use this on flank steak, but it’s good on any type of steak!
Montreal Steak Seasoning
Lawry’s Seasoning (red cap)
I just sprinkle each of these all over both sides of the meat and rub it in. Sear your meat on high first and then finish cooking on medium to seal in the juices. I also like to wrap it in foil right off the grill or out of the pan and let it sit for a few minutes before cutting (it will continue to cook while in the foil so make sure it’s not quite down when you take it off). Cut against the grain! Thanks to my sister Michelle and her hubby Marcus for the cooking technique!
So this recipe was completely random and actually turned out to be pretty good. My son Cole loved it way more than I did and has eaten it as leftovers for the past 2 nights!! The measurements are an approximation cause I didn’t really measure 😉 If I make it again, I will probably experiment with the ratios and add less teriyaki sauce and more pepper jelly and maybe some chili sauce. Oh the possibilities!
2 frozen or thawed chicken breasts
1 C teriyaki sauce
1/4 C pepper jelly
3-4 cloves of garlic
Put everything in the crockpot. Cook on low for 4-6 hours. 30 minutes prior to serving take out and shred chicken then place back in crock pot. Makes about 3 cups. Serve warm over rice or with veggies. I also put it in a salad cold the next day for a delicious chicken salad!
Serving size 1/2C = 3PP.
It’s been so long I seriously forgot the website to login! I too miss our little blog. It was seriously the only way I was going to leave some sort of journal for my kids and grandkids. And I know they are going to be super excited to read and see what I ate for over a year! 😉
But to me it’s not just about the accountability of food, it’s about sharing our experiences of day to day life with weight, food, exercise, family, husbands, etc. And knowing that everyone struggles in one way or another but we can be a strength for each other!
My last real post was post our Hawaii trip. WOW, it’s been a long time! The holidays came and went with the chaos and craziness that they tend to bring. The new year was a little depressing. My husband went back overseas the Friday after Christmas so it was back to our routine! I am lucky to have one of my very best friends that lives not too far away from me and spent the first week of January with her and her 4 kids. That really helped me to be able to get into my coping/survival mode that I tend to go in when Keller leaves.
The boys are busy. Cruz is almost 11 months!! And is crawling all over the place. He’s super smiley and literally brings a smile to my face every time I look at him. Cole is going to be 6 in May and loves Kindergarten. He had a girlfriend, but she “broke-up” with him because her best friend really likes Cole??!?!? Already in Kindergarten it starts???? Geez! I’ve been keeping myself busy with my workouts, as usual! I’ve been doing a lot of yoga at home, ut just last week tried out a hot yoga studio that I really like. Keller also built a CrossFit gym in our garage so I’ve also been doing a couple CF workouts a week at home.
I do have an exciting announcement!! Heavens NO I’m not pregnant!! I was able to reach my weight-loss goal by the end of 2012!!!!!!! My goal was to be 150 pounds and December 31st I was 149!! Yahoo…so exciting!!! The crappy part is that none of my clothes fit, so that kind of sucks, but it’s the best thing that sucks ever! Since then I’ve been able to lose another 5.8 pounds so I’m down to 144.2. So total since March 25, 2007 when Cruz was born, I’ve lost 57.8 pounds. I’ve changed my goal to 140 in hopes that I can continue to lose as I build lean muscle. Here are some before and afters (the second “after”pic was taken for my husband to show him my new workout outfit, hence the pose!)
I’m super excited to get back into blogging and may even have a recipe for you tonight, unless it tastes like crap!
Just kidding…maybe one day! Let’s do a quick recap of the last few weeks cause I’m sure you can tell I’ve been a little MIA:
My hubby is home!!! Yay!! All three of us are very happy!
Completed the tough mudder. What an amazing experience! I would rather do a mudder over running a half marathon or running anything…anytime!! The best part was doing it with my hubby, sis-in- laws, and bro-in- law. I felt pretty good through most of the obstacles…until we got to the electric eel. Turns out, I don’t enjoy being electrocuted. Weird right? The best part of the whole thing was just the feeling of accomplishing such a feat. I love feeling strong and fit. It’s very motivating and empowering.
Four days after the mudder we left for our Hawaii vacation. We spent 8 days in Maui and loved every minute. Just what we all needed!
I have to admit, I am kind of anxious to get home. I don’t know how far away I am from my goal at the current moment (I was 2.8), but can tell by my super tight pants and growing muffin top that I need to get back on track. Is this déjà vu? Why do I feel like I’m always getting back on track? I guess it’s just life. My one focus now is getting to my goal. My new year’s resolution was to make it to my goal weight and I have a little over two months to do it. So I will continue on my second 90-day challenge and get back to a routine with eating and workouts. Stay tuned for details on how I will actually do it. 😉
Here’s a quick video for you…