I have always been chunky or as my sister likes to call it “big-boned”! My body type and genes are prone to never being a size 2. Starting as early as elementary school I remember feeling self conscious about my weight. I wasn’t very active. I played softball in elementary school, but not really any other sports.
I started doing ballroom dance when I was in middle school. Although I loved it, I wouldn’t call it much an exercise regime being that we only practiced on Saturdays.
In high school a friend of mine lost a bunch of weight really quickly, I asked her how and she confided in me about having an eating disorder. So of course being a stupid teenager I thought, oh I can throw-up my food and lose weight. My sophomore year in high school I started a very long battle with bulimia that lasted more than 10 years. It wasn’t an everyday for 10 years thing, but something I always fell back on when at a low point. I believe this was a major factor in my steady increase of weight over the next 5-10 years.
The above pictures were freshman and sophomore year of high school, below was my senior year. We moved from California to Texas the middle of my junior year. I fluctuated between a size 8 and 14. Up and down, up and down…
My freshman year in college I tried out for the BYU ballroom dance team, a dream I had wanted for a long time. I was a good dancer, but I definitely didn’t have a dancers body. I made it all the way to the final cut and didn’t make the team. I was devastated. I felt like I hadn’t made the team because I was overweight. I really don’t remember what I weighed at this point but it was in the 160’s. I gained a lot of weight my freshman year of college, I would guess about 20 pounds. I had a boyfriend freshman year that I was pretty serious with and then he left for a church mission. After that, I pretty much didn’t date anyone. I was heavy…my heaviest and I didn’t even realize it. I was probably between 185-190 at this point, but do not even remember weighing myself. It didn’t help that I had a barbie doll roommate and lots of gorgeous friends. I always felt like the “fat” friend.
This was at my debutante ball…in the pic was my best friend from high school…a tiny little 5 foot nothing, gorgeous little woman! I felt like an amazon woman next to her (it doesn’t look like she’s that short in this pic, I either had my shoes off or she had really tall shoes on).
The summer of 2000…my older sister Sherilynn and I took a trip to Spain…I can’t even believe that I looked like that!
In January of 2002, Keller (my best friend from my year and a half in Texas) returned home from his mission and our friendship grew into a lot more. We were engaged by April and married by August. I remember wedding dress shopping and having to get a size 16 that was TIGHT. I was mortified. This was probably about the time I started more binge dieting, going from one extreme to the other. I tried Atkins, South Beach, and other extreme deprivation diets and always ended up losing weight really quickly and then eventually falling of the wagon and gaining it all back, plus some!
I was a bridesmaid at one of my besties wedding…this was April 2002 right after we were engaged. This bridesmaids dress was so tight I thought it was going to bust open at the seams right there at the wedding!
After seeing the above picture and the dread of my size 16 wedding dress being too tight, I hopped on a low carb diet bandwagon and lost about 10 pounds. I’m not really sure what my actual weight was at the point, only that I fit a lot of better into my dress on the second fitting.
My husband is the nicest guy in the world…a genuine southern gentleman. However, the kid has the metabolism of a 12-year-old. He can eat anything and everything he wants. Our first years of marriage we ate horribly…I just remember a lot of Little Caesar’s pizzas with crazy bread and Carl’s Jr. six dollar burgers at 11pm. At one point we actually did join a gym, but our attendance was very sporadic.
Over the next 4 years 2002-2006…I was just up and down, up and down. Pretty much stayed at a size 14 sometimes a 14 was tight and sometimes loose. The below picture is from a family trip to Hawaii…you better believe there was low carb dieting going on before this trip! I wanted to fit into my size 10 tankini. I did end of fitting into it, although I’m not sure how good it looked!
In 2006, my hubby decided to join the military…and of course I got pregnant the month before he left. Getting pregnant was an eye opener!!! I was already unhappy at the weight I was at and now I was going to be pregnant on top of that.
At my 8-week appointment I had already gained 12 pounds, I was now tipping the scale in the upper 180’s…I decided that day that this was not going to continue. My husband was away, I was “house-sitting” my parents house (they were living in a different state at that time) so I was pretty much alone. I had nothing else to do at night when I got home from work, so I decided I would walk on the treadmill for an hour every day. It was great because I was able to catch up on missed season’s of Friday Night Lights and Arrested Development. I also incorporated pre-natal yoga and this began my love for yoga!! And of course I had to give myself limitations on eating…I worked full-time so M-F I had the same breakfast everyday (eggo waffle w/peanut butter and a glass of oj), I would eat whatever I wanted for lunch and then the same dinner (yogurt over fruit with granola). Doing this, I was able to only gain a total of 25 pounds during my pregnancy.
In March of 2009 we moved to Texas. To sum up the last 2 years, they have been life changing…emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally. I went from working at a job I loved and was awesome at, to being a full-time SAHM. It was fine in the beginning, I got a little stir crazy, but I loved having the freedom to spend time with Cole and explore our new city. It was a new place, new people, new life.
By November of 2010 I had hit the 180’s again, only to drop almost 15 pounds with a 3-week stint of strict detoxing…back to 165 in December of 2010. In January of 2011 the gang decided we were going to try the 4-hour body diet, so after a final hou-rah of Christmas/New Year’s bingeing, I weighed in at 175. I also started ovulation drugs this month. By February I was 170, not pregnant, becoming depressed, started to train for a half-marathon and put on birth control to regulate my period. March was a rough month.
And in April I joined WW at 182.4. WW has been hard for me. I fight it. I hate doing things slowly. I want it now!! But obviously I’m a walking billboard for quick fixes don’t last! You can see in my progress chart the weeks I gave up and stopped counting points, the week I starved myself, and the repercussions for it all. The weeks I actually followed the program, I lost weight, and felt great. I also noticed that as I slowly lost the weight, even if I fall off the wagon, I don’t gain everything lost back.
I hate this picture below, but I’m putting it up here so I know where I began with my WW journey and why. I want my 155 back…and then some!
While still continuing my Body by Vi 90-day challenge, I also started the paleo diet. I like to call it the Paleohell diet. Basically you eat meat, veggies, fruit, nuts, and that’s about it, with a cheat meal or day throughout the week. I did it to support a friend who decided she would bail from it 2 weeks into it. I lasted a month. I felt myself feeling like I was going back to the old Cyndi, where I was super hardcore during the week, and eating everything in sight on the weekends. The only thing that saved me was being able to have my Green Greek Vi Smoothie and Vi Pancake everyday!! At the end of my Body by Vi 90-day challenge I weighed in at 153, I had lost 19.4 pounds on my challenge for a total loss of 49 pounds since having Cruz in March.
Before and After
I still have 2.8 pounds to go to my Weight Watchers goal. And another 10 after that to my “ultimate” goal. I’m so excited for the habits I’ve built and for the support of my awesome sister-in-laws along the way. I know this is a life long process and I feel like I will always struggle with my weight and food, but I will never be back where I was EVER!